Looking back and looking forward

I have exciting plans this summer, and my friend Ian suggested that I log my experiences on my little, old, and nearly forgotten blog. So since I haven't posted an update in a while, I guess I should fill you in on the events of this past year before we look ahead to the summer.

I finished my second year at CCNY, and somehow managed to maintain a 4.0 average (I honestly don't know how I did that because towards the end of the Spring semester I was more than a little burned out and turned in work that was definitely not my best). I did this while working full time as an assistant manager at Oren's Daily Roast, teaching Sunday School, and working as a research assistant for one of my professors. As you can imagine, my time was pretty tightly scheduled, but I managed to squeeze in a couple of fun things, like taking a traditional Arab Vocals class at Alwan for the Arts.

I was accepted as a New York Life Fellow at the Colin Powell Center for Leadership and Service, which essentially means that for the next two years I'll be doing additional course work centered around public policy. The fellowship comes with a sizable scholarship, which means I probably won't have to work full time and can focus a little more on my school work (and have more fun). I'm really excited about this fellowship because it is a network of amazing people. The contacts I gain and the mentoring I receive will be immensely helpful as my career path begins to take shape.

I am so grateful to everyone in my life who helped me get through this year. There were times when I felt like I was running around with a blindfold over my eyes, so I'm sure that I haven't taken the time to thank you yet. Rashell, you were an amazing roommate who let me complain about whatever annoying things were happening, while reminding me to relax a little and trust the universe. Elizabeth, thank you for being the amazing sister that you are and for listening to me hyperventilate on the phone when I didn't think I could finish a paper. Julia, you are my one good friend at CCNY, so thank you for being a great study buddy and absurdity-observation partner. I'm so proud of you for graduating, and I'm glad that you'll still be on and around campus. Thank you, Maryah, for being a ray of sunshine, for being an Arabic conversation buddy, and for writing the letter of recommendation for the fellowship (which was obviously the reason I got it). Thank you ASYA community for being a magical source of new roommates and subletters. And of course I have to thank the amazing three-year olds who I teach every Sunday for reminding me of the simplicity of fun and joy.

So what are my summer plans? I'm going to good-old Akron, Ohio for two whole months. I have an internship at the International Institute of Akron, where I'll be assisting with refugee resettlement. I don't quite know what to expect yet, or exactly what kind of work I'll be doing. But I'm looking forward to meeting the families that I'll be working with and to learning about their cultures. I'll try to keep you posted throughout the summer!

Ohio here I come!

Poem February 21

I'm unzipping my jacket and letting down my hair
when I see a mannequin wink at me through a window
on Lexington Avenue. Yesterday she wore a garment of
darkly died wool but today she sports a
soft pastel dress and sandals.

She asks me what it's like to be walking
on this first mild day after so many cold,
how the wind feels against my face,
and what I smell as I breathe it in.

"Freedom," I whisper, "and despite the
city lights, being aware of the
infinite cosmos around us.

The Person I Sometimes Think I Want to Be

The person I sometimes think I want to be can do anything she wants. She can scale mountains wearing a ball gown, she can play viola concertos from memory to a pack of raging hyenas, she can speak 18 languages, and she can bake the most complicated dish perfectly on the first attempt. This girl is environmentally conscious: she has figured out a way to never buy anything new while always looking amazing, and she never puts anything to waste. 

Sometimes she is a wanderer- spending years on end peacefully sailing across oceans or riding trains across the country making friends with everyone she meets. 

Sometimes this girl solves all the world's problems with one weird trick. She brings peace to warring nations using an obvious solution that was sitting in front of everyone the whole time, unnoticed. 

Needless to say, she has it all figured out. She has perfect relationships with every family, friend, and lover. Never forgets to bake a cake and paint a card for their birthdays. She's the person everyone calls when they need help or a kind word, and she jumps in without hesitation, always knowing exactly what to do.

Her mind is agile and her body is sharp. She doesn't need any sleep, so she has more time to read every novel and memorize every poem.

Sometimes she is a seeker, always wanting to know and see more, and sometimes she is content in the splendor of her surroundings.

Sometimes she followed a path from which the real me veered away. She is the professional violist now playing with the Cleveland Orchestra, or the dancer now in ABT.

But sometimes, the person I want to be is the person that I really am. And all these other me's fade into the background of my soul. But they are not unimportant. They give me insight into what I value most. They usually underscore some part of my life that I am not happy with, helping to make meaningful changes. Best yet, they keep me company with exciting adventures in my mind!

I will never be exactly the person I want to be because of her elusive and otherworldly nature, but I can gradually become more like her.

South America 2014

I was hanging out virtually with one of my favorite people, Monica, last night.  She's in Ecuador, and I'm in New York City, but Skype allows us to have a video version of each other to talk to.  It's not something I've done very often, so I'm not used to the feeling of being watched from afar, but I can't say how awesome it was to feel like we were just chilling like the old times.  Now, at this point, you're probably wondering why she's in Ecuador, and why this story is relevant to anything  (I haven't posted in this blog in almost a year, so this post better be interesting, don't you think?).

Monica is studying biology at Denison University, which is outside of Columbus Ohio.  This semester, she's on something akin to a field study, but I'm not sure what exactly it's called.  She's hanging out in a small village in Ecuador, studying plants.  Developing natural pesticides and fungicides, and all sorts of craziness.  I'm super impressed, and also a bit jealous that she is spending so much time in a beautiful, peaceful environment, while I'm in a big city, churning nonstop with people, ideas, work, and stress.  

So when she asks me to join her in backpacking through South America with her next summer, I nearly jump off my mattress, where I was folding laundry.  That's exactly the kind of trip that I've been dying for.  And I couldn't think of someone I'd rather do it with.  My immediate answer was, Let's Do It!!!!!!

Thinking forward, there's a lot of work to do in preparation.  I need to somehow save enough money.  I would probably need to put away $100 each month until then.  This is not going to easy.  Margins are very tight as it is, so I think I need to get creative.  If you have any ideas, let me know.  If anyone is going to give me a birthday present in July, it might as well be related to this, because this is serious, people!  I'm thinking, maybe I can move after my lease is up if I find a decent room for $600.  I had a lot of great ideas while I was working today, but I was also making lattes at the speed of sound, so I don't really remember much.  I might try to busk with my viola.

Provided I (we) can figure out the finances, there will be tons of choices and preparation.  I'll try to use this blog as repository for information on the development.  Details like where we're going and so forth.

I would like this trip to be an adventure that strengthens the bonds of a great friendship, and which lends me some sense of direction for my studies, career, and life.  Also, I would like to volunteer in some way while I'm down there (because I would help any community I find myself in, not because I believe them to be in great need of help from Americans).

I apologize for my rambling.  If anyone has traveled to South America, or has done backpacking, and would like to give us some advice, feel free to leave a comment!

Reflections from Saratoga Springs

It is a rainy Sunday afternoon and I am glad that I can enjoy it with out having to go anywhere.  The first of two weeks of babysitting has been completed, and I have the day off.  The kid and his father have just returned from their day trip to fort Ticonderoga, and his mom is at Music Mountain Festival, playing with the Cassatt string quartet.
This morning I ventured down the road to go to church at the UU Congregation of Saratoga Springs.  I was

welcomed into the beautiful little church, and listened to a beautiful sermon about finding joy in a troubled world.  The sermon included a demonstration of the infectiousness of joy by singing "This Little light of mine while a group of congregants tried their best to hold onto anger.  Of course, by the end they all had smiles and were repressing laughs.  We were also asked to a neighbor and shared something we are grateful for. Apparently, the church is under transition and finding a new minister, so I wish them the best of luck.  I always love to explore the UU congregations in any town I visit.
After church I went into town and found a neat fair-trade store where I purchased a present for my sister's 10th birthday.  This butterfly must have liked the wares as much as I did!

This week I learned Tai Chi watched the NYC Ballet, baked cookies, went swimming, rode the old carousel, and ate lots of yummy ice cream.

Good Luck With That

So earlier today I wrote a post, and then I got bored and started fumbling around in blogger and deleting old half written blog drafts.  Unfortunately, I managed to inadvertently get rid of my newest addition, which makes me sad.  I will make my best attempt to replicate it here.
Yesterday, I attended service at the Unitarian Church of All Souls in the Upper East Side of Manhattan as I do most every Sunday.  Taryn Strauss, the director of religious education, was leading the service and gave a  sermon entitled "Rehearsing the Beloved Community".  Using rousing hymns not found in the standard Singing the Living Tradition hymnal and an acoustic guitar playing accompanist, the service was full of energy and life.
Taryn spoke of the value of a community which values togetherness and community among people of all ages , socio-economic and educational backgrounds, race/ethnicity, and goes out into the world and practices service as its prayer.  She recalled feeling totally and utterly supported by her home church in Chicago as a child, to the point that she was comfortable bursting into a lively dance in the center of a circle of coffee-hour activists ardently discussing the social action topic du jour.  She told us of the trip that she and a few other members embarked upon to Arizona for the "Justice GA", a gathering of UU's from all over the nation coalescing to speak up for the rights of the immigrants detained in inhumane holding camps without due process of law.  They had an emotional night which served to bring them closer together as among themselves and with the families and friends of those detainees.
Taryn's youthful exuberance and forward looking optimism inspired me.  I started to think about what I can do better- where I can put my efforts to extend the idea of a beloved community intimately and globally.  I thought, "I love her passion and her empowerment.  She is breaking up the service a bit, making it fresh and renewing a sense of joy."
Apparently, not everyone felt the same way about it.  After the service, I introduced myself to a gentleman holding a coffee mug and standing by himself.  The first steps of building connections between varying age groups.  I relay my joy over the service: "That was such a great sermon!" his expression darkened, and I caught on that perhaps he did not agree, so I rephrased my statement as a question: "Did you enjoy the service?"  His answer was not ambiguous: "No."  Slightly surprised by his bluntness, I went on to ask for clarification: "Oh, well, what about it did you not like?"  Without changing his expression, and with no hint of irony, he stated, "too impassioned, to empowered, and too much hoping for good things that will never happen."  What is there to say in response?  "Well, I think that hope can be a catalyst for change," I said, somewhat sheepishly.  "Good luck with that," he grumbled, and walked off.
Clearly some philosophies are not for all people.  This encounter speaks to me of the value of reaching out to people of all ages.  You never know what kind of response you will get, be it window into a vastly different perspective.  His opinion is, of course, valid.
As for me, I see hope as a powerful force, and believe that services like yesterday's are just what we need to keep walking towards peace and justice in the global community.

Good luck with that, indeed!

A home is what you make of it

Yesterday, at 8:30 in the morning, I looked at an apartment in Borough Park, Brooklyn.  I liked the neighborhood, the amount of space, the layout, the big kitchen.  I liked just about everything about it, especially the price, and the long commute doesn't really bother me because it means that I can come home to a quiet neighborhood.  So I made an executive decision then and there that I would take it.  Julia, the woman who is moving out and responsible for finding a new tenant for her room, said I seemed perfect, a great fit for the three other roommates.  However, she had one more person coming to look at the space today and she wanted to be fair and give them a chance.  I would be notified on Monday evening of the final decision.  So I thanked her and headed to church.  At coffee hour, which was about three hours later, I receive a text from her that if I could pay that evening, I could have the room.  I was so happy that I burst into a chant of "Yes! Yes! Yes!" in the middle of the fellowship hall, perhaps to the surprise of those around me.  My friend looked at me and said, "So I guess you got the apartment?"  Then we headed off to the beach for a proper send off of said friend, Maryah.
After the beach, which was all the way at the very top of the Bronx, I headed to the very bottom of Brooklyn to give Julia the check and get the keys.  Now it is official, and I am ready to start moving in tomorrow morning.
The following is a poem that I wrote in March, when I was living somewhere wholly unpleasant and looking for a new place to live.  I wanted to find a home that was more than a place to crash.  I wrote this poem as a meditation on what a home can be, what I should look for in a home.  I am publishing it here to remind myself to treat myself and my new home well.
                               _____________________

Walking through the concrete facade
of happy buyers buying and bristling off
on a street full of faces familiar and not,
without a plan in my head I meander
here and there until I can get my fix.
Something to hold me over,
to occupy my mind and hands
and force myself to believe that it's all real.
For a time I'm sedated, and the worries at bay
While I smile and play the part of happy customer
Eyes twinkling in anticipation and gratitude
A swipe of a card and a stroke of a pen.
Belly full and tongue sugar coated,
ashamed of my wasting, I step
out into the night, or maybe it's day,
and ask once again just where should I go?

If home were an option, I'd go there right now
I wouldn't waste time with these embarrassing games.
I'd enter my temple with serene jubilation
Massaging my soul with my passions and love.

_________________________________

Hopefully I like my roommates...

UPDATE!!!


The situation described in the above post turned out to be a scam.  Upon further reflection, some things about the situation were red flags.  For example, she said she did not have the contact information for the landlady or her son (who manages the property), she did not suggest that I meet the roommates, she told me to meet her at the apartment to exchange check for keys, but at the last minute, her "ride's tire broke" and we had to meet in a remote location.  Fortunately, I realized these things before she had tried to cash the checks, so I was able to cancel them.  Let the lesson be learned to take your time and really consider the merits of a situation.  Do not let them push you around, or scare you with competition.  If it is legit, you will not feel like you have been run through the mill, and there will not be a thousand things to "explain".  I consider myself quite lucky to have gone through this situation, and not to have lost my money in the lesson.  Remember to be careful!!!